Sunday, November 24, 2002  

wow... ok.. guess ima try out dis blogger thing. =P gave up on my site. so stupid -sigh-

soo... dis about my day... my thoughts... and my fears... ok. let's see where to start...

:day:
today, i went to church! sold calendars wif a "british accent." guess not a lot of ppl went for that. hehe. afterwards, helped out with shoeboxes... soap??anyone need soapp?? how bout toothpaste?? lol. hygenic deliveries...

new concept has bin discovered. new dangers are awakened. what's gonna happen this time...

almost done wif kingdom hearts! so awesum. juss need to get 20 levels up and im ready to continue... lol

:thoughts:
i wrote this during the service.. (sorry pastor brian) yea, i was juss really bothered by it... =/ this mite apply to sum other ppl... sorry, i can't spell. and my grammar stinks. hehe

feeling so alone and confused in this world... so many choices... options... decisions... and they're all juss waiting for you to make the wrong one... "I know what I must do, but im afraid to do it." ... I don't know what to do anymore. It may be from my lack of communication with God, but i've bin so busy. i kno that's not a good excuse, but that's really what my problem is... I feel my entire mind set, goals, dreams are not as much a priority as they were before... I believe I have corrected a mistake... but it feels so wrong... like... as if a huge piece of me was striped away... and I tore it away from myself. whenever i think about it, i regret it. but yet i kno it was right to do it... I really want that piece of me back... but it's too late... once again...

I know in my heart it was the right thing to do, but yet... it felt so.. not right. I suppose im still too young and "un" knowledgable of these matters. it's all so confusing... lyk im trapped in a never-ending swirl of life that seems to be sucking me in, and never losing grip...

:fears:
im afraid to share my thought with another... the one person i trust and love the most, i cannot tell... feeling lost makes me so scared and worried. scared about what to do, and worried about what i have done. all i can do now is wait and live through this. hopefullly it will not leave as deep a scare as i think it will...
the constant throbbing in my head is probably from all the thinking i've bin doing. but it was all in vain, for nothing was resolved... everything i do, say, think, it is this problem. everything seems to be falling. all the troubles in the world are pushing and pulling me down. yet.. a small spark of hope is still there. it's not burning as brightly as b4... but... i don't want it to go out completely... -sigh- complications of life... sometimes feel lyk more than i can handle.

Philippians 1:3
I thank God every time I think of you. (which is more often than i should... hehe)

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